After many years of trial, error ,and plant funerals, this list is the ultimate guide to keeping plants alive as a type B person who cannot alter their life to learn a new hobby, but would like to live in an indoor jungle, surrounded by greenery.
Sections
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Pest Control 🪲❌
But I did not die, I ✨Fertilized ✨
Thingamabobs, I got 20.
Pest Control 🪲❌
If you love plants get an empty spray bottle. DO NOT WATER YOUR PLANTS BY SPRAYING THEM. Spray bottles are for science, magic, and making home made pest control concoctions. My go-to is 1 part RO or distilled water, 1 part alcohol, few drops of Dr. B...
Spray Bottles : Cleaning Tools
Add Dr. Bronners Soap to 1 part RO or distilled water, & 1 part alcohol. Keep magic potion on hand to clean leaves and kill minor pests. Cheaper than Captain Jacks Dead Bug.
Dr. Bronner's
Hydrogen Peroxide can be plant medicine and/or pest control. Add 1 part to a watering. Can help aerate the roots and/or kill gnat larvae in the soil. 🪰
Not bad, not great, but will definitely help if your plant is infested.
Systemic Houseplant Insect Control
Will shred every pest. WEAR A MASK IF YOURE DROPPING THIS ON YOUR PLANT. shreds everything, will take irritate you, your throat, your eyes, your soul, if you get in its way.
DiatomaceousEarth 10 LBS Food Grade Organic
This is the Thanos of pest control. When in doubt, spray this on your plants. Kills everything but your plant. You have to reapply generously and frequently until you’re more sure about the pests being gone than your own sanity.
Deadbug Brew® Concentrate - Captain Jacks
But I did not die, I ✨Fertilized ✨
Good for orchids, GOOD FOR HOYAS. I don’t pretend to understand the sorcery. Something about being able to absorb nutrients through the leaves, idk. Just trust me.
Miracle-Gro Ready-To-Use Orchid Plant Food Mist
Gimme my shįt in a liquid form. I’m not going to shit there and stress about it. A couple drops when I water during growing season.
Liquid Fertilizers - FoxFarm Soil & ...
Thingamabobs, I got 20.
Trellis your damn Hoyas. They need support. You want big leaves? Trellis your Hoya.
What are the best trellises for Hoyas? The best material(bamboo, iron, etc) and ...
These are the most convenient way to stick something on a trellis. If you don’t want to spend any money, save every bread tie and tie from opening packages. Either work.
Orchid Clips
For big plants, go to Home Depot or Lowe’s get a STURDAY, FAT dowel. Tie your big girl to it. Watch her get bigger.
Lowe's Home Improvement
Water your plants with distilled, RO, or rain water. Thank me later.
Reverse Osmosis Systems
For your pothos, monstera, diffenbachia, philodendrons
Yishang: Large terracotta pots
Plastic pots for Hoyas. Their roots like to stick to things. Plastic will keep them from getting stuck.
Clear Pots For Plants
I use sphagnum moss mixed with perlite or fluval to root Hoyas and monstera chunks.
Sphagnum Moss
AWESOME MEDIA. So easy to root plants in this shįt. Easiest way to get into hydro and soilless plant keeping. Is dusty, better to poor it outside.
Stratum Series - Fluval USA
Also nice media. Not as easy as fluval in my opinion. Kindve expensive. You can learn to DIY this. It’s better if you hate dealing with dirt.
LECHUZA-PON Plant Substrate 12 liter
Best containers to propagate Hoya cuttings in 🤷♀️
Condiment Cups
In my opinion, the easiest IKEA cabinet to hack into a green house.
Unless you live in a glass house, you probably need supplemental lighting
LED Grow Lights | Grow Lamps for Indoor Plants - Soltech
If you’re going to plant with soil, make your own. Add soil, perlite, coco chunks, charcoal, leca, I basically throw the kitchen sink and call it a day.
The Best DIY Chunky Soil Mix for Aroids - Cori Sears