I don't bathe. I supervise. Every bar, gel, and bomb in this house has gone past grandma's hands first — I just keep count.
Tried and tested !!
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Sections
4
Soap Bars — Allegedly For Washing
Jellies & Shower Gels (Not My Department)
Scrubs & Gels, Paired Up
Bath Bombs — The Whole Collection Section
Soap Bars — Allegedly For Washing
They look edible. They are not. I've checked.
Paw Bought for grandma, ends up in my sniff rotation more than hers.
Paw
Sleepy Smelled so much like actual lavender I checked it wasn't a plant.
Sleepy
Outback Mate Uncle's, not mine. Mint strong enough to clear a room.
Outback Mate
Goddess Grandma's original. Older than most of the family's Lush habit.
Goddess
Charcoal The one Ma uses when she's had A Day. Goes in, doesn't come out for an hour
Charcoal
Watermelon Looks like fruit, smells like summer, is neither.
Watermelon
Lord of Misrule Red as a Christmas bauble. Grandma's holiday non-negotiable.
Lord of Misrule
Jellies & Shower Gels (Not My Department)
Liquid, recycle bottles, none of it touches paws. Observed only.
Cinnamon Spiced Latte I get offered a lick. I decline on principle.
Cinnamon Spiced Latte
Plum Rain The colour alone gets a comment every single time it's used.
Plum Rain
Let The Good Times Roll Grandma glitters for a week after this one. No exceptions.
Let The Good Times Roll
Sexy Named better than it needs to be for what's essentially soap.
Sexy
Crash The one that gets grabbed when someone's overheated and needs cooling down fast.
Crash
Scrubs & Gels, Paired Up
Section description: Grandma's two-step system. Scrub first, gel after. I watch the whole routine from the bath mat.
Magic Crystals Amethyst crystals in the tub. Grandma insists it's not just decorative.
Magic Crystals
Sex Bomb Jasmine and clary sage. Lives on the shelf next to razors and generic mouthwash, unbothered.
Sex Bomb
Orange Citrus scrub. Skips anyone who reacts to citrus, which in this house is nobody.
Orange
Rub Rub Rub Sea salt scrub. Sounds aggressive. Is aggressive.
Rub Rub Rub
Sleepy Shower Gel Matches the soap bar of the same name. Grandma buys in sets.
Sleepy Shower Gel
Good Karma…Everybody Needs Some Patchouli and orange. Smells like a decision was made.
Good Karma...Everybody Needs Some
Happy Hippy Gold glitter that doesn't fully rinse off. Grandma, Ma, and I are all still finding traces of it.
Happy Hippy
Rose Jam Turkish rose, argan oil. Dad's, apparently. Didn't see that coming.
Rose Jam
Bath Bombs — The Whole Collection Section
This is where it gets serious. Thirteen of them. She's not stopping.
Diversity Every colour in one bomb. The tub looks like a crime scene, in a good way.
Diversity
Big Blue Fewer colours, more foam. For the purists.
Big Blue
Twilight Grandma's colour, unofficially. She'd deny having a favourite. She has a favourite.
Twilight
Black Rose Charcoal-based, despite looking nothing like charcoal.
Black Rose
Passion Same batch as Black Rose. Nobody's rationing these.
Passion
Salt Water Soother Kept dry until bath time or it starts fizzing out of spite.
Salt Water Soother
Unicorn Poop The name undersells how much Ma actually likes this one.
Unicorn Poop
Intergalactic There's a soap rose hidden inside. Discovering it is the whole appeal.
Intergalactic
Bomb — Bath Bomb The literal name. No further branding required.
Bomb — Bath Bomb
Deep Sleep Marketed for sleep. Used at 7pm on a Tuesday regardless.
Deep Sleep
Super Star The whole starter kit, star-shaped box included. Someone's getting this for Christmas.
Super Star
Brother Moon Silver glitter, despite the name suggesting otherwise.
Brother Moon
New Day Rising Bought for the household, used within the week. No bomb survives long here.
