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Nobody Believes These Are Actually on Amazon
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FoxEdge Sports Research profile picture
FoxEdge Sports Research
Fossilized dinosaur poop. A body bag. A working ATM. A headstone with free shipping. Every one of these is really on Amazon, and none of them should be.
 
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Fossilized dinosaur poop. A museum artifact. Ships in a box with a certificate, like the turd graduated college.
KALIFANO Prehistoric Dinosaur Coprolite Fossil
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A full tattoo rig for beginners. Amazon will sell you the machine, the ink, and the poor decisions, all in one box.
Dragonhawk A1 Beginner Tattoo Kit
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An actual cadaver body bag. Click "Add to Cart" on a body bag and then go back to shopping for socks like nothing happened.
Grafco White Vinyl Cadaver Body Bag 36x90
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A custom granite headstone, one hundred and five pounds, with free shipping. Prime has officially run out of things it won't deliver.
Bevel Pillow Headstone 20x10x6 Gray Granite
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Buy your own ATM. Dispense cash in your living room. The bank charges you fees; now you can charge yourself fees.
GenMega Onyx 1K ATM Machine
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A full-size refrigerated vending machine. Stock it with whatever you want. Become the break room.
Refrigerated 60-Slot Snack & Drink Vending Machine
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A real municipal traffic light. Mount it in your driveway and finally have the authority your HOA refuses to give you.
BBMI 4in AC85-265V Red Yellow Green Traffic Light
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A dental chair with the exam light and the little spit cup. Open a practice in your garage. Malpractice insurance not included.
Portable Foldable Dental Chair with LED Light
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A lie detector that plugs into your laptop. Thanksgiving dinner is about to get a formal evidentiary process.
USB Polygraph 1.0: Home Lie Detector
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The same radar gun cops use. Point it at highway traffic from your porch and watch everyone suddenly remember the speed limit.
Bushnell Velocity Speed Gun
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A military-grade CBRN gas mask. For chemical, biological, radiological, and nuclear threats. Or for when the in-laws visit.
MIRA SAFETY CM-8M Full-Face CBRN Gas Mask
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A Geiger counter the size of a pen. Sweep your basement, your granite countertops, your vintage Fiestaware. Knowledge is a burden.
Geiger Counter Radiation Detector, Pen-Type
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Double-locking steel handcuffs, police grade. Amazon sells the restraints and the key. Full-service law enforcement cosplay.
VIPERTEK Double Lock Steel Police Handcuffs
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A 200-pound, 430-feet-per-second crossbow. This is a medieval siege weapon with a Prime badge on it.
CenterPoint Wrath 430 FPS 200 LBS Compound Crossbow
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Live fertilized chicken eggs, shipped to your door. You are buying unborn chickens from the same place you buy paper towels.
Lavender Orpington Fertilized Chicken Eggs, 6
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A preserved fetal pig for dissection. High school biology class, delivered. The smell is free.
Carolina Pig Anatomy Kit - Single Station Dissection Set
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An entire whole chicken. In a can. It stares at you from the shelf like a dare you already accepted.
Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken 50oz (2 Pack)
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FDA-approved potassium iodide for nuclear emergencies. For your thyroid, in the event of the worst day. Casually stocked next to the vitamins.
ThyroSafe Potassium Iodide 130mg Tablets - 40 Count
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The actual TASER, from Axon, the company that makes them for police. Fifty thousand volts of “please leave.”
TASER X1: Professional NMI Self-Defense
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An RC aircraft turbine engine listing. A jet engine. On Amazon. Next to the phone chargers and the dog treats.
SW60B Brushless Turbine Engine 6KG for RC Plane
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A handmade voodoo doll, sold as "awakened." Prime shipping on a cursed object. The haunted doll industrial complex is real.
Voodoo Doll Handmade Creepy Dolls Set
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