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Stuff I Click "Buy Now" On During Commercial Breaks
20
items Impulse buys that seemed like a great idea at the time. They were.
Clips a McDonald's sauce cup to your car vent. Your sedan now has a condiment station. Congratulations on your promotion.
Saucemoto Dip Clip - In-Car Sauce Holder
You boil it WITH the pasta and it sings Italian tunes at 3, 7, 9, and 11 minutes. A red plastic man screaming opera at your noodles.
Al Dente Red - Singing Floating Pasta Timer
You hold a tongue-shaped brush in your mouth and lick your cat with it. Grooming intimacy has gone too far. You will buy it anyway.
Lick'em Tongue Cat Brush – Funny Novelty
Your cheese cubes now look like they're being hauled off by a colony of ants. Guests will scream, then take photos, then eat.
12 PCS Ants Toothpicks Food Fruit Picks
Plugs into your phone and sees heat. You bought it to find drafts. You will spend the first week scanning your dog.
Infiray P2 Pro Thermal Camera 256x192 Android
A cow-shaped cozy for your ice cream pint, with hoof slots for spoons. Your Ben & Jerry's now lives in a barn.
Highland Cow Ice Cream Pint Holder with Hoof Slots
It's a plastic pickle. It yodels. On command. There is no defense for this purchase and none will be offered.
Archie McPhee Yodeling Pickle Musical Toy
Tissues come out of a resin cat's rear end. That's the whole product. That's the pitch.
Orange Tabby Cat Tissue Box Holder
A blanket that looks like a tortilla. Wrap yourself up like a burrito. It's cozy, it's hilarious, and it's the best $20 you'll spend during a commercial break.
Mermaker Burrito Taco Blanket 71in Soft Flannel
A whiskey smoker kit with a torch. Smoke your bourbon like you're in a speakeasy. Your living room just became a craft cocktail bar.
23Pcs Whiskey Smoker Kit with Torch & Wood Chips
Bandages that look like pickles. For when you need a bandage but also want to make people uncomfortable. They're pickles. On your skin. You're welcome.
Accoutrements Pickle Bandages
A manatee-shaped tea infuser. It floats in your mug looking adorable. Your tea has never been this cute. Your commercial break has never been this productive.
Fred Manatea BPA-Free Silicone Animal Tea Infuser
Coasters shaped like floppy disks. For millennials who remember saving homework on these. Your coffee table just got a nostalgia upgrade.
Floppy Disk Coasters Set of 6, 3.54 in Retro
A toilet timer for... timing your bathroom breaks. It's a gag gift that actually works. Your family will hate it. You'll love it.
Katamco Original Toilet Timer (Classic) - Shark Tank
A nugget ice maker for chewable ice at home. The good ice. The Sonic ice. Your drinks will never be this cool. Your freezer will be jealous.
GE Profile Opal 2.0 Nugget Ice Maker WiFi
A banana-shaped Bluetooth phone handset. Take calls on a banana. It's absurd, it's hilarious, and it's the best conversation starter you'll ever own.
Banana Phone Bluetooth Handset for iPhone & Android
A vinyl horse head you hang in the yard so every squirrel that eats looks like it's wearing a horse mask. Morning coffee, upgraded.
Accoutrements Horse Head Squirrel Feeder
Plug it into any USB port and it screams like a goat every 3–8 minutes, forever. There is no off switch for your regrets.
Joker Greeting USB Intermittent Goat Scream
Underpants. For your hands. Fingerless gloves that look like men's briefs, because your hands were apparently naked and that was the problem.
Archie McPhee Handerpants White Briefs
A tin of 20 pairs of emergency googly eyes. You have been caught eye-less in public before. Never again.
Archie McPhee Emergency Googly Eyes