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The 'My Bookie Owes Me' Wishlist
20
items A curated collection of things you'll buy when the bookie finally pays up. He won't. But dream big.
85 inches. Every bad beat in cinematic scale.
Samsung 85" Crystal UHD U8000F 4K Smart TV
Self-emptying robot vacuum. Cleans while you stare at the score.
iRobot Roomba j9+ Self-Emptying Robot Vacuum
Heated bidet seat. Luxury for the lowest moments.
TOTO WASHLET C5 Bidet Seat Elongated Cotton
Laser dust detection. Finds crumbs and your dignity.
Dyson V15 Detect Cordless Vacuum, Yellow
Nugget ice at home. The good ice. You've earned it.
GE Profile Opal 2.0 Nugget Ice Maker, 38 lbs, WiFi
Wine and beer, separately chilled. For wins and losses.
NewAir 24" Dual Zone Beverage & Wine Cooler
Make ice cream while your live bet melts down.
Ninja Creami Scoop & Swirl 13-in-1 Ice Cream Maker
Keeps coffee hot for 80 minutes. Longer than your parlays last.
Ember Smart Mug 2, 10 Oz, App-Controlled, Black
Actual functional toilet paper printed with Benjamins. When the bookie won't pay, you wipe with symbolic money, it's petty, it's hygienic, and it's plumbing-safe.
HDE $100 USD Funny Money Toilet Paper
A metallic gold gun that shoots prop cash across the room. Fire it at your TV every time a cover dies in garbage time, cheaper than therapy, louder than complaining.
KWYZ Golden Money Shooter Spray Cash Gun
Pocket-sized percussive therapy for the shoulders that seized up during the fourth quarter. When the bookie pays up, the first thing you fix is the damage from watching the games.
TheraGun Therabody Mini 3rd Gen Massage Gun
Curls, smooths, and dries with air instead of heat damage, the most over-engineered hair tool ever made. Your bookie didn't pay for this; your hair just needed a lobbyist.
Dyson Airwrap™ Multi-Styler Complete Long
Pours wine through the cork without removing it, preserving the bottle for months. Pour a glass of the good stuff on a Tuesday and put the bottle back like it never happened, that's wealth behavior.
Coravin Timeless Six Plus Wine Preservation System
a panel that shines red light on you and you're supposed to just... stand there and absorb it? My skepticism and my curiosity are fighting, and curiosity has a credit card.
Red Light Therapy Panel 660nm & 850nm 60 LEDs
zaps your water with hydrogen via SPE/PEM electrolysis, has an OLED display, and can also be used for hydrogen inhalation through a nasal tube, which is the most "I'm the main character in a wellness documentary" sentence I've ever typed.
Hydrogen Pro Water Bottle 8000PPB OLED
a notebook you ERASE IN THE MICROWAVE. Write, scan to the cloud, nuke it, start over. It's witchcraft for people who lose notebooks.
Rocketbook Wave Smart Dotted Grid Notebook
flameless, windproof, USB-rechargeable, lights candles with a little lightning bolt. You're not buying a lighter, you're buying the feeling of being a wizard.
FUKKUDA USB Rechargeable Plasma Lighter
thousands of sharp little spikes you voluntarily lie on for 20 minutes because the internet promised it melts stress. The first five minutes are a war crime; after that it's allegedly heaven.
ShaktiMat Classic Acupressure Mat & Neck Pillow Set, Level 1, Black
a full-size adult bathtub that FOLDS FLAT to 8.66 inches and lives behind a door. Hot spa soak, cold plunge, patio, RV, or your sad shower-stall apartment, plus a book tray, insulated lid, and drain hose. Your rental bathroom just became a bathhouse.
Serenelife 59" Portable Foldable Bathtub
A light bulb that floats and spins in midair, powered wirelessly through the air. It's the "I don't need to understand it, I just need to own it" purchase the list was built for.
Magnetic Levitating Wireless LED Desk Lamp